Dear Diary…

The humble teenage journal. So simple yet so effective at capturing the often intense emotions  of teenage angst we all experienced at one stage or another. And oh so entertaining  and cringe-worthy to read as fully grown adults who still feel like they don’t have their shit together most of the time.

Like many, I mostly turned to my beloved journal after going through a pretty crappy day at home or school. It’s true that as a teenager going through these experiences felt like the world was going to end. But reading about them now you realise how insignificant it all was. You almost want to tell your fifteen year old self to just let it go because you ain’t seen nothing yet!

I realise now that writing has always been a way for me to make sense of how my inner voice feels about things and let go of any negative energy in the process. So go forth and enjoy this masterpeice by fifteen year old Grandma AL and maybe it’ll inspire you to look back through your own old journals.

Note: This entry remains completely unedited to retain its integrity. Please enjoy the creative spelling and excitable use of quotation marks and a good underline or sometimes both at the same time.

Date: 11/11/04, Remembrance Day

Well, all my exams are officially over…and I can’t wait to get out of skool! I’m tired of it (maybe it’s because I had tennis twice today), tired of doing nothing in classes now, so home is so much better to be, tired of having no-one I can truly call a GOOD, GOOD friend, tired of rarely having any excitement in my life and just plain and simply tired of always being somewhat “depressed”. It saddens me like hell. Why do I always see my life as boring or lonesome?! I truly don’t know…it drains the hell out of me emotionally.

Why do I always see my life as boring or lonesome?! I truly don’t know…it drains the hell out of me

Like today…I don’t know, maybe I was just physically tired, but I kinda wanted to be alone…I was feeling really “left out”, really low about myself and the retarded bludgy science class about how men are truthfully attracted to women with “dark” eyeliner blah, blah…that to be truly pretty and beautiful, you should wear mascara, blah, blah, blah

FUCK

all that!!

I know i’m as beautiful as the most perfect super model…inside that is…but I truly do get jealous at those who just seem to have everything going for them, perfect hair, perfect face, perfect coolness, heaps and heaps of friends, a nice b/f blah! blah!…and the list goes on…

I know i’m as beautiful as the most perfect super model…inside that is…

I’m just stuck in a rut

but I hope this moodswings of myne stick to my happier days…ok some pep talk:

• Only 3 weeks til holiday freedom
• I’m sure I did well in my S.C (school certificate exam), I reckon I did pretty darn well for skool exams
• You have a fantastic fam

• Dreams come true.

  They truly do.

 

Well said fifteen-year old Grandma AL, well said.

 

x Grandma AL

 

 

 

 

Images sourced from pexels.com. Last image taken by Grandma AL.